Lady, you freak me out.

 

Hell, all i wanted to do was get some Sam Raimi loving and I got so pussied out i flipped my popcorn all over me. The popcorn flew to the couple in front of me. So just imagine – old lady freak scene comes out, i screamed, flipped popcorn over couple in front, couple got a shock from the scene + the terror of popcorn falling from them from behing probably thinking it was the old lady coming to grab them. HAHAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

 

It was the only time i laughed in the movie. Got home and immediately checked under my bed and went through my cardboards in case anything is hiding inside. My reading light is on. And i got a cross beside me. You know, just in case.

 

Am moving blog soon. New name, new life. Have tons of things to upload there then. In the meatime, SYDNEY HO WEIQI, where are my photos bird?

You make me dsyfunctional, baby.

Lets talk about crushes. The heart thumping, hands sweating like shit kind. They say the one you marry may not be the one you love – soulmate. I don’t know about that. All i know of is the thought of “what-if”.Its easy for me to like but I’ll never love. Here is my stories of unexpected declarations of child-like quality love & the pure  simplicity of it. A time so decadent, so transparent, I can only call it a hallucination?  A place so different from today where Gucci bags and a posh car was out out of the picture.

 

1st -

I felt as if a truck just banged me down & was injected with morphine. What i saw was a golden haired boy (dyed), tall and skinny. But at that time, i would have described him as tall, fair and gorgeously handsome. An ah beng. I was 14 – an idiot.  4 words. Infatuation at first sight. I bumped into him countless times at J8. A crush so bad to the extent that i will go to J8 with BFF EVERYDAY without fail. All just to get a puny glance at him & admiring from afar. Pure bliss. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

Everytime when he casually look over his shoulder or when our eyes met, i think fireworks exploded in my heart. I’ll pretend not to be interested and ask my female soldiers to check if he is looking at me. Heehee. (Wingwoman in bar terms. I guess i was already a bitch in training then. Haha)  

 

I was so BLOODY FUSTRATED when after months of oogling him, i have no idea what his name was and all. Hell, my first crush and it was an ah beng. Love is blind. Very cocked eye. Now that i think about it, he wasn’t good looking at all. Average, to say the least. I forced BFF to practise with me in school everyday to “accidentally” push me to him & TADA – he will support me ala prince charming style and we will live happily after. NOT. (And we looked like fools pushing each other. She pushed me wrongly, i push her back) Anyway, apparently he and his group of friends noticed us. One fine day, his friend approached me and i was so high. I knew it. This is lurrrrrrrrrrrrvvvvvvvvve!!!!!!!! I knew he was just too shy so he asked his friend to help him instead. WRONG! W.R.O.N.G. WRONG!

 

Turns out that it was his friend that was interested in me all along. To think i put up with the shitty trouble of going to go J8, play arcade games and para para madeness. I went from confident sick-head to self-doubt in 30 seconds.

 

Bah! 1 year of pure delirium. And stupidity.

 

And in case you’re wondering what happened, i dated his friend for 2 months. With a ulterior motive lah. Just to see my ah beng and know him better. Yah, im such a little cunt. Oh well, i wasn’t much of a looker anyway.

 

2nd -

My best guy friend. If shame had a face, it will be me. He has dearly departed for almost 2 years and it is only now do i have the guts to admit it.

 

I had a thing for him when i first saw him. He was a cocky son of a bitch. Then again, im a sucker for bad boys and arrogant a-holes. It wasn’t a crush wherby i fell  hard. I just liked his character. It was rare. Hard to understand & hard to like – till you know him. Anyway we got off on a wrong start and although we met often, i carried it with abit of rancor & enmity. Yet somehow, dislike turned into content & then turned into my very best friend. From all that fights and heart-to-hearts to clubbing and running away from home.

 

I loved him so much (as akin of a friend). However, a big fight ruined the both of us. Lets just say for me, its impossible for friends to turn into lovers. All there will be left of is dregs and remnants of when was supposed to be an unbroken friendship. Even when we patch things up, nothing was ever the same again. I have to admit, I saw it coming. Yet when the time came, i was caught dumbfounded. I was as if Harry Potter just cast a spell on me. Confounded. The air got hard to beathe and word said was filled with anxiety. We cut off contact. I was probably titled – the fucking bitch.

 

Still, it takes more than heartbreaks to get to me.

 

Till he died.

 

Still, i genuinely cared for him.

I hope you are happy in heaven, best friend. =))) Everyday spent with you was never a bore. I was/am happy. And you should know that you’ll always have a piece of me. Words are useless but, I’m really happy I met you. That you have always been in my life.

Falling spectacularly

Met BFF for the past 2 days & Winnie Tan yesterday. I guess its really true that great friends will still be the same. Or rather, we changed but still continue to love a changed person.

 

I appreciate it girls!

From Cookies Museum to Brotzeit, St.James to Zouk & Shots to Long Island.

Ohhhh what would life be without youuuuuuuuuuuuu?

 

And this is for you :

I have no idea how else to tell you this so just read. This was my longest relationship I’ve ever had. 10 months.  I asked myself, “When was the last time i was truely happy with you?” I can only remember the fights. We are 2 completely different people. You are someone i never thought i could be with. Still, i brought along with me the hope and faith. When I was with you, i didn’t have to try to be perfect. But the fights turned me into someone ugly. Someone whose character can only be described as filthy. I became someone I hated.

 

I am sick, so sick of the fights. Everyday was exhausting, to say the least. I can’t breathe. I was drained. Our conversations are throughly meaningless. Don’t force me. Don’t keep pushing me. Don’t say i did not ever try to salvage this relationsip. Forget the implications, the infatuation is gone. Before you, I was happy. Independent. But these bad days have got me down.

 

Like I said, I’ve became someone I don’t even recognize. If love was supposed to make you happy, I can tell you this isn’t even close to it. We didn’t have trust, we don’t have anything.

 

Here, I took all the wrong turns, drove on the wrong roads and none of them lead me home.

 Here is cheers to the future because the past is over.

Bali

From Le Meridien to Grand Hyatt. Water rafting to spas.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had so much fun  for the water rafting but i got scolded endless by the guide. Hahahahahha. Bloody hell. No one has scolded me like that before and i felt like pouncing to the back and twist his neck off. Arms ached like fuck and i was screaming like a banshee whenever we hit a rock. I look like a fucking joke man.

 

But I have to say, Bali disappointed me quite a bit. Food was getting more expensive but less delicious.

 

On Phuket next post.

No cue, direction or line.

Hi guys. I would like to thank… all of you. For reading my blog, caring about how I’m doing. I really appreciate all of you, my friends. I guess its only my friends who read this right? Since i don’t publicise my blog. Hahahah. I am grateful when you message me to leave me notes of encouragement when i’m sad. Like how i do, you. =)

 

Its my family & my friends who can make me so happy and make me filled with love, honesty and pride. I am really thankful for having all of your as part of my life. You guys affect me in so many different ways and I have become what you have given me. When i’m hurting bad beneath, you guys makes my day brighter. I can be stubbornly filled with reckless emotions and do all stupid things when together.

 

I’m sad when you write your blog with such melancholic thoughts or when I can’t be by your side when you feel cast aside and heartbroken. We have changed a lot. Or can it be said as… we are walking to our right paths in life? We hardly meet as often now and… for one, I am grateful for we have the internet where we can communicate – through our blogs.

 

When you feel as if the whole world has abandoned you, I’m dutifully here. 

Never say you have no one when I’m a call away.

You know you never have to put a mask in front of me and sugarcoat anything.

 

 

I hope your lives will be filled with only happy things & a healthy soul.

 

This is NOT  suicidal note. I started to blog out about Bali and when i started listening to Class 95′s love songs in the background….. BAM! I am writing love songs… in my own fashion. However, everything I say here is heartfelt and true. I love all of you and… when you’re down, I’m here.